lifeofawillow

in ever dulling

flattened sphere

lives peace

and breath

at coloured peak

it’s amazing

the things I don’t care about

anymore.

im so tired.

and just want to sleep.

thats all.

i have not made it through ok.
it did not work out.
i did not
for all intents and purposes
survive.
and you know what?
it just is what it is.
i was so often right.
that others have it easier.
that they will walk away.
and that i,
i will carry the weight of the death
and the burden of proof
and simply add it
to my already uncarryable load.
and as i get ever more weighed down
and crumple
under my own impossible life
i will watch and know
that i was duped and destroyed
by my own stupidity at best.
may they suffer in their lies.
i have no more kindness to give.
they stole it
and there wasn’t enough of me left
to reproduce the cells
of anything good
again.
i have no power.
the little i had was in naive goodness
and look where that all got me.
i give what’s left
to the devil now.
godspeed
and good luck.
may there be no one
to mourn you.
ever.

It was a hard day.
I’m falling asleep.
It’s been a hard week.
I’ve not had much time for anything. There’s a lot on me.
People are nasty.
And you know what?
I want to be rid of all of them.
I wish I could hurt them But I can’t.
The most I can do is leave.
With nothing good to say of them ever.
It’s an unfair world.
With an unfair god.
And I look at their pictures and resent so much.
I’m trying to disconnect in general.
Not be involved.
Not be part of.
Its hard not to be a fool
When you’re covering yourself up
To avoid them hurting you.
I hate them all.
So much.
I have a list of people I’d like to hurt.
I was never that person.
But it’s just too much.
Screw you.
Pathetic selfish shallow nothing.
And screw me.
Alone and stupid.
So so so stupid.
I live in humiliation.
In defeat.
You won.
You all won.

i wish i wasnt so sensitive.

im always just so soft.

i didnt used to be.

i was too busy fighting.

but now,

i always am.

something was done to me

that cannot be undone.

and i,

im drowning in my softness..

cause theres no one here,

to pull me out.

theres no one with me

ever.

i look forward
to the end.

im so tired;

and wonder

if theres anyone

anywhere

that can feel me

anymore.

i feel like im on a treadmill

that never stops…..

a drunken hamster

pedalling my little legs

as fast as i possibly can

while my tiny brain

sits in its cage

and i continue

to run.

and all around me,

are mirrors

and cackling

and noises that scare me

to hell..

and clowns

with painted faces

laugh

and lie

and lay down the law..

and i,

i try to reach

for the bars

of my prison,

only to realize,

theres nothing there,

at all.

theres nothing in the world that i like quite as much as this.

the cool breeze through the window,

as autumn slowly sets in..

the sweet navy of night

with the sound of rain outside..

a slight swell of wet in the air,

and me,

softly wrapped in a blanket,

in a home that i call, my own.