rotting fish

its amazing

the lives ive lived.

none of them good

and i would not do any again.

there was a moment there,

where i had started to believe,

where i thought i had a chance,

where i was convinced

that i was wrong.

when something was shown to me

and i believed.

and then it went dark.

and i was alone.

in an impossible space.

with nothing and no one.

and i was less

than i had ever been.

and that, was hard to come by.

and life wore on,

cause that’s what it does.

and the bad kept happening

cause that’s what i get.

and the pain increased.

it’s only natural.

and i,

i was alone.


in ways a girl should never be.

as always.

and it just was.

cause it’s all a lie really.

and there’s nothing in this for me.

and i was right all along.

so right.

encouraged by the devil

to think there was better.

but there wasn’t.

and there isn’t.

not for me.

that all requires heft.




things i never have.

skip the chapters,,

they’re unimportant

as am i,

as am i,

as am i.

and here i am,

and i care no more.

i do to make others feel good.

and when they’re gone,

i think of them with disdain,

cause they just take from me,

and i am tired.

and with this new beginning,

i just don’t care.

cause i have done nothing wrong.

i have only been wronged.

and i care not about the god,

cause i don’t think he exists.

save for perhaps some cruelty

in which i have fear

of that drop of the other shoe.

i shall not pray,

save for my son,

and even that,

is only out of fear.

i have had everything taken,

im the fool of the dupe,

ive been tricked and left

to rot in this quagmire.

in a place i was never capable

of traversing.

and it has taken all i had left.

i no longer care about others.

and if they took from me

to ease their journey,

they need not my forgiveness,

cause i have nothing to give.

so i ask nothing

and i extend nothing.

and I will close my eyes

and move through the day,

where life is given,

only to those,

that have money

to pay.

About lifeofawillow
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