i want to say a million things.

but I have no one to say them to.

i cry a lot.

im way too skinny.

and I’m so so so so so so sad.

ive given up on dreams

and notions

and anything resembling

life.

i just get through.

that’s all.

i spoke to someone this week

who hasn’t seen me in a while

and they told me “But you are so much!”

“You have so much to give!”

“And you are so so beautiful!”

and i thought-

i am nothing.

i have nothing left.

i am not beautiful even one little bit.

so i said,

i love you too.

and hung up

and crawled back into my hole.

there’s nothing left.

it was all taken.

or given.

that’s the worst.

that i gave.

and not in the way an idiot would think.

but of my heart.

i gave of my heart.

and it was all i had.

it was all

i

had.