im so sad.

i feel so much pressure.

imminent pressure.

places,

people,

feelings,

other peoples feelings..

ugh.

im so tired.

i dont like any of it.

im so exhausted.

im ready to stop.

i had this dream last night.

it shook me to my core.

i cant explain it

but it was so clear.

i knew where i was

i knew who i was with

and i knew why.

and i left.

i left because i had been sent away

and now,

now i couldnt stay.

but even as i did-

i felt this terrible pull,

this horrible knowledge..

and when i was home,

when i was where i was supposed to be-

and there was a man outside the door,

i knew that i had left

the one person

that made any difference

at all.

and there i was.

surrounded by poisons

by ghosts,

by shadows,

by an almost death

that would never be a life…

and i woke.

i woke, unable to breathe.

and my day-

my day disappeared.

into a torturous pain

that im fairly certain

is simply a part of me now.

i was only unable to ignore it

today..

as i have been.

every

single

day

since.

since

i disappeared.