i wish i could just

shrug it off

and go

have fun

for once

in my life..

but no.

no matter how many times

ive learnt,

that being good

or being

what everyone else

wants you to be,

or listening to

everyone else

and their g-d-

will get me

nowhere happy,,

i still insist,

on being

a nonentity.

a weak,

submissive,

fool,

with no desires,

only debt-

that can never be paid.

cause it was never

really there,

in the first place.