she looked at me last night

and said,

“i know you”

i know your strengths

i know your weaknesses

i know your sensitivities.

and i know,

what i cant talk to you about,

because i know

what is just too much for you.

and she did indeed know.

and she was looking into my eyes.

and my eyes were full of tears

and my hand was shaking

and my body felt even smaller than it is.

and then,

i got introduced to someone

by him,

and he called me your buddy.

and i wanted to hurt him.

i was never your buddy.

i was your protege maybe,

your friend

if i was lucky,

your sister in my soul,

your broken other

that you held

and loved

and taught

and spoke at

and wouldnt let go of

no matter what.

and you danced with me,

for me even.

and you sang to me,

with me at times,

and tried so hard

to make a person of me

even though,

i think you knew

you couldnt really

ever win.

but i loved you.

and i know you loved me.

so much.

and you trusted me,

you did!

with your life.

with your life!!

with your secrets,

with your pain.

and i hold them.

still.

in death.

still.

no.

i,

was never,

your buddy.

and no,

they cant just talk about

what they dont know.

or what might

undo

whatever ability

i have,

to be here

without

you.

no..

no

no