she looked at me last night
and said,
“i know you”
i know your strengths
i know your weaknesses
i know your sensitivities.
and i know,
what i cant talk to you about,
because i know
what is just too much for you.
and she did indeed know.
and she was looking into my eyes.
and my eyes were full of tears
and my hand was shaking
and my body felt even smaller than it is.
and then,
i got introduced to someone
by him,
and he called me your buddy.
and i wanted to hurt him.
i was never your buddy.
i was your protege maybe,
your friend
if i was lucky,
your sister in my soul,
your broken other
that you held
and loved
and taught
and spoke at
and wouldnt let go of
no matter what.
and you danced with me,
for me even.
and you sang to me,
with me at times,
and tried so hard
to make a person of me
even though,
i think you knew
you couldnt really
ever win.
but i loved you.
and i know you loved me.
so much.
and you trusted me,
you did!
with your life.
with your life!!
with your secrets,
with your pain.
and i hold them.
still.
in death.
still.
no.
i,
was never,
your buddy.
and no,
they cant just talk about
what they dont know.
or what might
undo
whatever ability
i have,
to be here
without
you.
no..
no
no