friday night

i took what i could

to hasten sleep

and dull my pain.

it didnt work.

i poured a glass of red wine

which i know will give me a headache

but works so much better

and quicker

than anything else…

and when it started to,

all i could do

was cry.

and cry,

and cry,

and cry.

and i felt like an idiot.

standing in this place,

where i was supposed

to succeed even a little,

but have only managed to fail

a lot,

and i was lonelier than i think

a person can feel,

and there was a whole night ahead,

and i was just alone,

and i couldnt do anything,

and i just wanted my father.

i wanted to be held.

and loved.

and no one else

does

and i dont like myself.

Anymore.

not enough to be stuck like that

for a whole silent night.

and all i could do was cry.

hard.

loud.

i thought my nasty devil spawn neighbor

would knock on my wall,

but at no point did i think

that god would hear me.

even,

when i called his name.

im just alone.

its the simple truth

in how i feel now.

anything else,

has been

summarily

stripped

from my heart.

i broke.

im not the same anymore.

even,

when

i cry.