im struggling like mad here.

im making lots of mistakes.

im hurting myself constantly.

im scared as all get out.

theyre all too close.

im waaay too stupid.

they know they can take advantage

i know that they do.

i can sit in the ER

for a night,

and wonder why i didnt just stay,

in the morning.

the pressure is monumental,

the fright is way too much,

there is less than nothing

in my control,

and i hate my body

a little more

every day.

if i could throw myself onto the pyre

i would.

if i could take back all my softness-

that too.

but more than anything,

i just want to be in dream,

where the new passwords

arent old habits,

and where old habits

didnt kill you.

if one could measure me

in stupidity,,,

theyd finally have something

of weight.