it’s the perfect amount

‘cept my stomach hurts..

i don’t want to feel anymore

i want to stop hurting.

my eyes are closing

and im falling asleep

thinking all these new things,,

possibilities,

of lives

i don’t really want..

but I have to keep moving on,

i have to accept what’s offered,

because ive slowly been drowning here,

for two years,

and no one’s ever showed up.

and im drowning still.

dying at a clip.

killing myself harshly-

with those awful Words

playing loudly

in the background.

and I can’t win.

not at this.

i can’t even be

anymore.

so they’ll tell me

who they want,

they’ll tell me who i am,

and i’ll be that.

beause i,

have been completely

and utterly convinced

that there is no point

in being me.

i was seen.

i wasn’t wanted.

and that’s all.

and now, i seem to sell anyway,,

they don’t care about any of it.

but im in a race

for a lifelong lie now..

and i,

i have the smallest of inklings yet…

that i,

don’t win

ever.