i dont know what it means.
because i understand nothing.
i am already two toes in.
but i cant be tortured,
or held at bay,
i wont.
i am me.
and nobody knows who that is.
and im not even sure i want anyone to.
im too soft.
they will crush me.
especially the kind of person
that i know i want
now.
i am scared,
and alone,
and need to be held.
i feel like a very small
very frightened child.
and im looking for my other,
in as much as id rather not be,
because i know i need one.
and i know small things about them
mostly colored by –
well, just colored.
but man do i need those arms around me quick.
im halfway into an abyss ill never be able to get out of.
its just me and a prayer here.
hoping that prayers still work.
hoping that theyll never hurt me like that
and that i,
might be able
to live,
to birth,
to love.
i dont even know what im saying anymore.
i wish stones would pelt against my window.
i wish love would never leave.
i wish i was enough.
always.
for always.
