i dont know what it means.

because i understand nothing.

i am already two toes in.

but i cant be tortured,

or held at bay,

i wont.

i am me.

and nobody knows who that is.

and im not even sure i want anyone to.

im too soft.

they will crush me.

especially the kind of person

that i know i want

now.

i am scared,

and alone,

and need to be held.

i feel like a very small

very frightened child.

and im looking for my other,

in as much as id rather not be,

because i know i need one.

and i know small things about them

mostly colored by –

well, just colored.

but man do i need those arms around me quick.

im halfway into an abyss ill never be able to get out of.

its just me and a prayer here.

hoping that prayers still work.

hoping that theyll never hurt me like that

and that i,

might be able

to live,

to birth,

to love.

i dont even know what im saying anymore.

i wish stones would pelt against my window.

i wish love would never leave.

i wish i was enough.

always.

for always.