im in so much pain

and nothing i do

takes it away,

cause nothing i do matters

and everyone else always has

the upper hand.

it’s up to them.

they get to decide.

i never have the power

and am never in the right position.

sometimes i want to become an evil queen.

i want to wield swords

and poisonous apples

and be on top

if only for a minute.

i know i’ll die in a crumpling heap

of splintering stones

turning to dust..

but i just want to stop hurting already.

and i want people to stop hurting me,

and i want to stop crying,

because my body is wracked in pain

from that itself

and the pressure my heart is under

all the time

is just too much..

i don’t want to wait for death

and find out there’s nothing there either,

that i will continue to be on the bottom

continued to be laughed at

continued to be kicked

in public

with the blessings of holy men…

for just one moment,

i would like to breathe.

and have my breathing not hurt.