im in so much pain
and nothing i do
takes it away,
cause nothing i do matters
and everyone else always has
the upper hand.
it’s up to them.
they get to decide.
i never have the power
and am never in the right position.
sometimes i want to become an evil queen.
i want to wield swords
and poisonous apples
and be on top
if only for a minute.
i know i’ll die in a crumpling heap
of splintering stones
turning to dust..
but i just want to stop hurting already.
and i want people to stop hurting me,
and i want to stop crying,
because my body is wracked in pain
from that itself
and the pressure my heart is under
all the time
is just too much..
i don’t want to wait for death
and find out there’s nothing there either,
that i will continue to be on the bottom
continued to be laughed at
continued to be kicked
in public
with the blessings of holy men…
for just one moment,
i would like to breathe.
and have my breathing not hurt.