would you still think im beautiful

if you saw me staggering

at eve,

in whittled attempt

to call upon calm

so that perhaps i may sleep tonight?

and would you think

that i was anything,

anything at all?

if you knew the amount

of mental torque

it takes to pull me from my bed

each day…

would you think my smile

rang true to my soul

if you felt the trail of tears

on my cheeks..

and those eyes that you say

you keep thinking of,

what if you saw them

unmasked ..

and the softness you feel-

well what if you knew?

that i have enough pain in me

to destroy life itself-

and i have.

i. have.

i have no idea

what i am anymore,

and i have no sure way to be,

i am but an aberration

stumbling through this world

that belongs to everyone else

but me..

and the thing is,

alarms seem to sound

when i get too close,

and i get pushed off that cliff

to hell once again,,

so im slowly learning

to keep to myself

cause no one wants to be,

with an impure used version

of ancient damnation

when they can get a better form

of just about anything

than the tainted

torn version

thats me.