i disgust me.
in all that i am,
in the ways that i sit,
in the shape ive become,
in the tests that i fail.
i abhor my very being.
my body,
my soul,
the air that i crave,
the love that i seek.
i hate that i need.
i hate that im small.
i hate that my body is not perfect.
i hate that im weak.
i hate that im me.
if i could change one thing-
id change it all.
every little sad drop,
that is my
pathetic life.
and if i could do something,
really do something,
with no collateral damage,
i would.
but then,
id be no better
than them.
but they are all just fine.
and i lay in dirt.
alone,
so hurt,
and less possible
every
single,
day.
i think im dispensable,
and always was.
i think i dont matter.
and never will.
i think theres no vindication
and there never will be.
i think,
it really doesnt matter,
what i think.
and thats all.
all it ever was.