i disgust me.

in all that i am,

in the ways that i sit,

in the shape ive become,

in the tests that i fail.

 

i abhor my very being.

my body,

my soul,

the air that i crave,

the love that i seek.

 

i hate that i need.

i hate that im small.

i hate that my body is not perfect.

i hate that im weak.

i hate that im me.

 

if i could change one thing-

id change it all.

every little sad drop,

that is my

pathetic life.

 

and if i could do something,

really do something,

with no collateral damage,

i would.

but then,

id be no better

than them.

 

but they are all just fine.

and i lay in dirt.

alone,

so hurt,

and less possible

every

single,

day.

 

i think im dispensable,

and always was.

i think i dont matter.

and never will.

i think theres no vindication

and there never will be.

i think,

it really doesnt matter,

what i think.

and thats all.

all it ever was.