it’s always different when i’m like this.

i can think clearer

though it clouds some things

but i think i need it

cause i’m so so strained.

with loss comes life

and then loss

again.

when you’re thrown overboard

and you realize the sharks are going to eat you

if you agree to swim with them

cause they bare their teeth

and keep on swimming

and there you are

just gasping for breath

and you realize

that you’d rather drown

than get eaten by the damn fucking shark.

so you let go.

and it’s scary.

but perhaps that abyss is better

than being locked in those jaws

forever.

and so that’s where i am

and you are nowhere

and maybe one day

ill find a fish

that thinks im beautiful

and knows that im brave

and wants to be with me

because im more

than just another fish

in the messed up dying

sea.

so there you have it.

i could’ve done better with my words.

but im drowning here.

thats all.