im just in pain.

always. 

there’s no break

ever. 

it’s like time goes by 

and I think ill be ok

and I barely am..

just holding on..

and then you waltz in

in your dumb doubtless way

and pull that rug right out.

in a moment of perfection

for you

and near death for me/

and i back up slowly 

and stare at the floor 

where my bones

and my breath

and my life

are splayed out

in a vapid pool

of never had,

in a sea of toxic

never will,

and i watch

from the side

as my soul

gets crushed

just

a little:

just 

a

little,,,

more.