so tired. so tired. such a messy mess. my g-d when did it come to this; where was i when everything changed? im not that different, at least i dont think so, i feel kind of the same, and yet when i back up and away, i dont recognize a thing. toying and grazing, charting, exploring and generally seeing whats there, leaves for a world of dangerous possibility, where i am open to hurt. i realize that i may have indeed, stepped into a minefield, of burnished hopes and shattered dreams and worn out wounded hearts. i kinda wish i could just go up in a balloon that skips the time and travel gayly past this place where i no longer know who i am.