alice

i dont know what to do with myself.

i dont fit.

no matter where it is

that i place myself.

i have little to give

and what i do is way too simple.

i have trouble connecting

and feel alone always.

i dont know why im so different,

but know that i always have been.

i dont see the world the way others do

and in truth,  i never ever want to.

im stuck right now,

between worlds and wishes,

dreams and reality,

goals and chores,

and im usually too tired to pick up the pace

enough to make it anywhere at all.

and when all is said and done,

i just want to be held

and loved

and wanted

forever.

the problem is,

i also want

to be understood.

and that,

i know,

is just

too much.

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to kill a mockingbird.

im having all these dreams,

and you’re always there.

i don’t want you there.

go away.

stay away.

you’re good at that.

stupid ghost.

nothing but smoke and mirrors.

that’s all.

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broken

there’s no point anymore.

i know that now.

stupid girl.

that’s all.

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invisible

so much distance.

it’s death really.

that there’s no connection

save for a story or two

that holds no weight

and bears no meaning.

it’s sad i guess.

but just is what it is.

nothing’s ever about what i want

and it really makes no difference.

im fighting against god and nature.

my ego is simply too large.

i am but dust.

all I need

is to accept.

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Three days

it’s absolutely crazy

to be surrounded by such beauty

and not to care

if you’re above

or below it.

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amnesia of the perfect kind.

i just want to sleep all day

and forget

i ever happened.

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trap

good night moon.

at least there’s something that stays.

it has no choice.

and we steal it’s light.

but still,

at least it’s familiar.

and we can trick ourselves into thinking

it actually wants to stay.

what fools we are.

what fools.

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