lost and exhausted

im not sure what to do

with these nights

that turn into

these mornings

that im not sure

what to do with.

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twisty lanes

its cold

and wet

and im lost

and displaced

and feel

i might never

find

my way.

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endless

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Les miserables

i have nothing to write.

no words

no voice

no feelings even…

it’s too much

and too little

all at once.

but i need to keep going

don’t i?

i am so tempted

by so many things

right now,

and none of them

are here.

maybe.

we’ll see.

let’s first dance

these dances.

who knows?

i could lose a shoe…

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stupid girl with no feelings

i wish i could just

shrug it off

and go

have fun

for once

in my life..

but no.

no matter how many times

ive learnt,

that being good

or being

what everyone else

wants you to be,

or listening to

everyone else

and their g-d-

will get me

nowhere happy,,

i still insist,

on being

a nonentity.

a weak,

submissive,

fool,

with no desires,

only debt-

that can never be paid.

cause it was never

really there,

in the first place.

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sad rain and

it matters not

what i want,

or how i choose

to live,

where i place

my sodden boots

or when and what

to give..

it’s merely

a swift crossing wind

that blows our lives

each way

beyond which point

of seasoned doubt

we stand alone

and pray..

to whom or with

we might believe

and in what state

we stand

and if we’re lucky

we might have

a hand tucked tight

in hand.

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just an empty silly girl

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