heavy lids

cant even write

for fear

of drunken


and loosened


telling you


thats meant

to be kept

in chambers


my own.



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if i could crawl,

into a cave;

-i would.

and ever remain

an unknown

to most,

and those that knew

might understand

and hold a glass,

or wish at night,

or sing a song,

or say my name;

but no one

would ever

be able to touch

and know one

would ever,

be able to see,

my huddled form

in fetal distress

trying to regain

the brief moments

of calm~

before it all,

got too noisy

to bear.




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if freedom is


the pat pat pat

of small odd feet

on busy street

with skinny legs

and thighs that hold

and rounded hips

on softened core

with thump thump thump

of beating heart

in rounded bosom

with breath drawn in

to swirling scents

outside light eyes

that gleam

in still young face

and soul

and thoughts that idle

in crazy head

that perhaps ill come

to love

one day…



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not even a number.

so small

and insignificant


for crumbs

of something


can never


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haunted heart

if it never rained again

and the joy just dried up

and the ground remained dry

beneath my too small feet,

and the sky in its artificial way

lit up my skin

till its veins lay bare

and my blood ran away

past the time that it needed

to be worthy of life

and all that is good..

-would i sit there alone?

-against dried out wood

-beneath wilted willow

-on empty ground

-with empty hands

-and empty heart

till the wind blew me over,

on that grave that i drew.

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none of this makes any sense to me.

and so i listen to old music

and try to put together a puzzle.

maybe that will make sense to me

on a familiar background

with my clumsy self

just trying my best..

it’s not very much,

and it’s not very good,

but it’s all i have

right now

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broken fall

tell me you love me

i need to be loved

with all that is you

deep in me

with head held in hands

and love in my heart

and all that i thought

couldnt be…

i wish i could hear it

i wish i could have it

but wishes are just silent dreams

splashed into pond

with ripple beyond

as falling leaves

shatter in seams



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