just shriveling up
falling away
losing myself
in this endless torrent
of cruel sharp hits,
against my spine
upon my heart
strangling my spirit
from the inside
throughout.
and my body
just shakes
the pain always there
unable to rest
cause my nightmares
are real;
and that wish that i had
that dream that was drawn
with colors borrowed
from another’s world,
has shriveled as well
with the rest of my heart
while the devils lies
come true
like a hug
that lasts a minute
and then is gone
like it never existed..
and all i am
is a small girl
alone
in a scary
empty
world
hiding
behind
everything
everyone else
thinks
is real.
if nothing ever feels like that
how can anything ever feel right
at all.
cant even write
for fear
of drunken
word
and loosened
tongue,
telling you
all
thats meant
to be kept
in chambers
all
my own.
if i could crawl,
into a cave;
-i would.
and ever remain
an unknown
to most,
and those that knew
might understand
and hold a glass,
or wish at night,
or sing a song,
or say my name;
but no one
would ever
be able to touch
and know one
would ever,
be able to see,
my huddled form
in fetal distress
trying to regain
the brief moments
of calm~
before it all,
got too noisy
to bear.
if freedom is
just
the pat pat pat
of small odd feet
on busy street
with skinny legs
and thighs that hold
and rounded hips
on softened core
with thump thump thump
of beating heart
in rounded bosom
with breath drawn in
to swirling scents
outside light eyes
that gleam
in still young face
and soul
and thoughts that idle
in crazy head
that perhaps ill come
to love
one day…
so small
and insignificant
begging
for crumbs
of something
i
can never
have.
